etiquette Archives – Studio Laguna Photography

Number 1 Rule…unless it is specifically stated in the invitation, DO NOT WEAR WHITE. I think wearing white pants with a dark shirt is ok, but a white top or, god forbid, a white dress is verboten. Got it? Stop doing it. Even if the dress is off white, it still should not be worn. Give the bride her day, let her stand out. When you wear white, it looks like you’re trying to steal the spotlight.

Ok, whew! Now that is off my chest, lets go on to the others.

When you’re dressing for a wedding, you want to keep in mind the style and location of the wedding. If you will be spending the day in a non air conditioned barn in August, you might want to stick with a cute cotton sun dress and flats. Showing up in your New Years best metallic mini with 4″ heels will make you uncomfortable the entire time. Guys, you don’t HAVE to wear a suit, just make sure what you’re wearing is appropriate for the formality of the wedding. A nice print button down with a solid color sweater is great. Or rock a bow tie and show some style. But don’t feel like you have to be confined to a jacket and tie for every wedding.

I think a lot of the dressing don’ts is aimed more at the women. Guys tend to dress more neutral (heck if they dress with flair we all swoon…so keep it up and wear that jaunty pocket square!). But ladies, be aware of your flair (yes, I went there). If you’re dress is so short you can’t sit down without feeling the texture of your chair…don’t wear it to a wedding. This isn’t a fashion show of the latest from Forever21. Wear something cute, with personality, and that fits the style of the wedding and you’ll be fine. And even if the bride is the most mellow bride in the world, don’t upstage her. Just look at what happened to Princess Beatrice and her now famous pink hat.

Why worry about what you’re wearing to a wedding? Because your friend or family member has probably put in a year worth of planning this day. They are spending their hard earned money to feed you and entertain you, so it might seem ungrateful if you show up in a t shirt. A couple wants to see their friends having fun at their wedding, and if you’re in a corner icing your feet because you chose to wear 4″ heels, you’re not having fun. You will also probably drink at a wedding, and tottering around tipsy in leopard heels might result in some unflattering video footage down the road. If you really want to wear sky high heels, consider bringing flats to the reception so you don’t have to worry about dancing barefoot.

The people that have the hardest time deciding what to wear are the mothers of the couple. The two mothers don’t want to upstage each other and they don’t want to upstage the bride. If the two mothers get along, it can be fun to do a shopping outing together with the bride and a couple friends to find a dress. Locally, Opitz in St Louis Park or Dugo in Edina are great places to find dresses that are age appropriate AND unique and flattering. Going to the Mall of America and some of the bigger department stores can also work well, as they have formal gowns year round. What the mothers don’t want to do is match the bridesmaids, or wear something that should be in the juniors section. I think the mothers look best in something in a dark color that is form fitting but a little more modest and something that they’ll wear again…if they aren’t comfortable, it will show in pictures.

So the most important take home from this blog entry? DON’T wear white. And DO wear something comfortable and nice.

Weddings have many different styles, looks, and customs. Through all of the planning process, a couple has to navigate a sea of issues they probably have never dealt with before. Besides the decisions of colors, budgets, themes, and time of year, the guest list usually requires quite a bit of back and forth and compromise. Not only between the couple, but also both sets of parents. Though most couples don’t anticipate it, the guest list can be the decision that is the most frustrating.

One question that seems to pop up time and time again is “do we invite children to our wedding?” I believe the answer comes down to etiquette on both sides of the issue.

It is rude to issue an invitation and then say the couple can’t bring their children. The guests are not only taking time out of their day and bringing you a nice present, they are probably also giving you money at the dollar dance and paying for drinks all night…and now they have to pay for a babysitter on top of all that? On the flip side of this argument, it is rude for a parent to let a screaming kid interrupt your vows or stand on the dance floor during the first dance. We even had the lovely experience of hearing a toddler vomit onto a wooden pew during the sermon once 😉 Kids can add to a wedding day but also take away from the day.

So, a solution?

As a parent myself, I love dancing with my kids at a wedding, but I also want to have fun with people my own age and not worry about my kid trying to sneak a taste of the wedding cake. So what I personally would do is bring my children to the wedding and reception, but then have a babysitter or family member pick the kids up after about an hour of dancing and take them home, leaving the rest of the night to the adults.

As a bride, it isn’t very tactful to suggest babysitting techniques to your guests, so have a solution ready. If you sense that a plethora of children will drive you crazy on your wedding day, then hire a babysitter for them. Many wedding venues have side rooms, or even a hotel room, you can rent out for the night. Ask a few of your teenaged cousins or hire a college aged babysitter (if you don’t know anyone, you can find one through a nanny service) to watch the kids that evening once it starts to get late. Have snacks like popcorn, simple activities and a movie, and the parents can pick up their children when it is time to go home. Make sure parents know this option is available so they can bring pjs if they would like. We had a wedding couple do this a few years ago and it worked really well, and the parents were extremely grateful. It costs at most a couple hundred dollars and I feel it truly is the best of both worlds.

Wedding Etiquette – What to wear?

Wedding Etiquette – Do I Invite Children?