It’s only a Proposal…

When John and I decided we were going to get married, I wanted to tell EVERYONE.  I was so excited.  But he hadn’t technically proposed yet…I needed that ring!  Not so I could brag about a giant diamond, but so I had proof that someone actually wanted to marry me ; )

I’m also VERY impatient, nosey, and hate surprises (what a catch, right?).  So for John, the proposal was tricky, it is hard to surprise someone when they’re constantly asking you when you were going to propose.  I did this for surprise parties when I was younger, too…”mom, THIS year can I have a surprise party?”

I even thought I knew when John was going to propose.

We were going up to his picturesque home town on the 4th of July, and he would propose under the fireworks.  My birthday was on the 5th so this would be extra special.  We went to the little red bridge in the park to watch the fireworks and I was so excited!  I could barely concentrate because I kept looking at him, not wanting to miss him getting on one knee (so we’d be eye level) and asking me to marry him.  I couldn’t wait to have that ring on my finger.  The fireworks finished in a beautiful finale, I looked at him…and…nothing.  No proposal.  We got home and my mom ran up to me with her eyes shining and said, “so! where’s the ring?”  Nope.  No ring.

John and I were playing this terrible dance.  He wanted to surprise me, I wanted the damn ring.  I was expecting this big event, he was trying to put something thoughtful together.  I was anxious, he was annoyingly laid back and nonchalant about the whole thing.  I was getting so frustrated as was he.  We should have both just calmed down.

I bring up this story because I want to illustrate how ridiculous people get with proposals.  There is this HUGE pressure on the person proposing to throw this elaborate event yet still keep it a surprise.  In this day and age, elaborate isn’t enough, now people want their proposals to go viral.  There are proposal planning companies, hiring a photographer to document the event, over the top staged productions…and most of it is not necessary.

Now, if you have a girl that is into theatrics and chick flicks and doesn’t mind attention, then go for it.  Bungie jump out of a hot air balloon into the middle of TCF Stadium and propose to her.  Whisk her away to Paris and have twinkle lights come on in a private garden while a violinist plays.  Hire a planner to recreate the Twilight prom and propose under the stars.  Give her a 4 carat ring she can show off.

Some guys have a sense of pride at the creativeness of their proposal, how they managed to surprise their partner and wow them to no end.  But make sure this is what your partner wants.

For some, a proposal in front of a crowd is a nightmare.  I have met MANY people who have the dream proposal of simply waking up one morning with a ring on their finger, or being proposed to as they are hiking or camping, or at a totally unexpected moment.  Some people truly like laid back, relaxed, no frills proposals.

Just please, oh please, don’t ever fake your own death or make your girl feel like she is in danger and then propose.  This sort of thing is all over the interwebs, and it is so horrible.  HORRIBLE.  Don’t do it.

I just saw a pinterest picture where a girl lists her 5 RULES for proposing and it made me sick (and inspired this blog post).  Ladies, we all need to calm down when it comes to getting a ring on our finger…giving rules to your guy and dictating how he proposes is not a good way to start off a marriage.  Maybe if we all calm down, then partners will be given some breathing room and will truly knock your socks off, or maybe he’ll propose with a gummy worm while you’re watching Dexter, to each their own.  Let him prove to you how well he knows you, don’t pressure him…this is HIS chance to wow you, let him do it his own way.

So if you’re going to propose…

…make sure you’re both on the same page about marriage, kids, money, family, life goals (you know, the important stuff)…

…take time to find a ring that really reflects their personality (worried about that?  ask their best friend for advice or give them a temporary ring)…

…cater to your personalities and make it something that is YOU as a couple, not what movies say you should do…

…if you want it to be an elaborate surprise and don’t want to give yourself an aneurysm, it might be smart to hire a planner…

…calm down about it all and do what feels right…

…don’t worry about the “norm” or what others will think…

…apply these same principles for planning your wedding, too!